WAKE UP UMMAH

LET’S  LAUGH !

FROM THE BRITISH TV/RADIO

QUIZ SHOWS

THE FUTURE BRAINS OF BRITAIN.

LOL … LOL … LOL …

These are the real excerpts from the British TV and radio shows. Remember! It’s for fun only. You cannot measure a nation’s level of intelligence from these clips. But it’s still an indication that our youngsters of the “information age” or the “internet era” are taking a turn in a different direction.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:  What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:  Er…..

Phil Wood:  It’s got two syllables – Kor …

Contestant:  Blimey?

Phil Wood:  Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run …

Contestant:  (Silence).

Phil Wood:  OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I …

Contestant:  Walked?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for “cherrypickers” and “cheesemongers” ?

Contestant:         Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman: No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:           Geography isn’t my strong point.

Jamie Theakston: There’s a clue in the title.

Contestant:           Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK

Steward White: Who had a worldwide hit with ‘What a Wonderful World’?

Contestant:        I don’t know.

Steward White: I’ll give you some clues: What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:        Arm.

Stweard White: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re … ?

Contestant:        Strong.

Steward White: Correct – and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?

Contestant:        Louis.

Steward White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song ‘What a Wonderful World’?

Contestant:  Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?

Contestant:       France.

Trelinski:          France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:       Oh, um… Benidorm.

Trelinski:          Wrong, sorry. Let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:       Sorry, I don’t know.

Trelinski:          Just guess a country then.

Contestant:       Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: -- Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:  The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)

DJ Mark:   For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:  What was Gandhi’s first name?

Contestant:   Goosey?

GWR FM (BRISTOL)

Presenter:   What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:  I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO, MANCHESTER)

Phil:   What’s 11 squared?

Contestant: I don’t know.

Phil:  I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:   Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:  Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:   On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant: Er…..

Richard:  He makes bread …

Contestant: Er …..

Richard:   He makes cakes …

Contestant: Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:   Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:  Barcelona.

Presenter:   I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:  I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:   What is the world’s largest continent?

Contestant: The Pacific.

ROCK FM (PRESTON)

Presenter:   Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:  Magna Carta?

JAMES O’BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O’Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:  Er… well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth … er…er … Three?

CHRIS SERLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?

Caller:  Japan.

Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:  Er ….. Mexico?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEW CASTLE)

Paul Wappat:  How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant:  (Long pause) … Fourteen days?

                                                 

DARYL DENHAM’S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend Shekels?

Contestant:  Holland?

Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:  Iceland? Ireland?

Daryl Denham: (Helpfully) It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?

Contestant:  No.

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:  Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter:  What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant: Jewish.

Presenter:  That’s close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO2)

Wright:   Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:  Jesus.

(Note: Johnny Weissmuller was the famous 'Tarzan' of Hollywood movies.)

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