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Thursday, 25 April 2013

From Australia, With Love.
Some Real Questions/Answers
From GCSE Examination

It is said that Learners (or students) reflect their Teachers. Somebody wrote the word ‘teach’ in an artistic way and it reflected as ‘learn’ (see image). How beautiful (and correct)!

Now, something serious! This is the age of computer and video-games. Our kids enjoy them but it is taking its toll by pushing our children in a different direction. The following questions were set in 2009 GCSE examination in Australia. Here are the genuine answers from some of the 16-year-old would-be High School Graduates. Enjoy!

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large 
     pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists 
    (Note: I like ‘flirtation’).

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends 
     to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and 
     nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
And this one is the best:
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids? 
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery 
Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow 
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? 
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. the abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the 
    abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the 
    heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, 
    I, O and U 
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control 
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium 
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure?)
Q. What is a terminal illness? 
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.


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